tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
