My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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