just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
