My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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