My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's just like the Real World with babies
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
