Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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