he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
