I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
