help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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