the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
