I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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