two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
