i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
