i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
