i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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