this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
