it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
