Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Everclear isn't food dammit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
