I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
