Please, let me fuck your mom
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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