k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
