Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
