My hand turned me down
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
