My balls are so social today.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
