I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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