Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
