She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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