LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
