She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
