Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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