Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
barbara walters just said penis...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
