I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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