i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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