I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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