apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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