You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize