I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
