dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
