cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
