Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
