OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
