Your face is a jimmy john
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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