i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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