i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
