I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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