Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
