kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
