Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
