Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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