He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
