I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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