meet me or not, i'm out of control
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
