dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
