I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
