Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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