is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
