Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
