....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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