Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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