So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
