New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
