Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
