Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
