Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
