I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just high enough for therapy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
