He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
