My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
