My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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