The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
