I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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