Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
