Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
