you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
