apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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