Pappa wants mamma naked
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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